The only constant in life is CHANGE!! by Tim (Clean time: 3 yrs, 6 months, 21 days)
A s of Monday my 20 year marriage ended in divorce. It was of my doing. I hate this F#?CKING disease, but I love the addict. My wife, now ex, couldn’t stop using no matter what the consequences. She now has about 75 days clean and I hope she has finally figured out that the only way to stay clean is to put her recovery before EVERYTHING else. I wanted so bad for her to stop, but she didn’t seem to have the desire. I kept thinking that one day she would be arrested with our baby in the car going to score or that my older kids would come home from school only to find her dead from an overdose. Those things would certainly be more traumatic to our kids than a divorce. The thing I want more than anything is for her to stay clean, but only the addict can make that decision, no one can make it for them. After four times in treatment she certainly understands the disease.
I now have the kids and the house and some extreme financial burdens. I know I must continue to work my program and continue to change. I have made it through her continually using, lying about her using, and stealing our money to buy more and I didn’t use. I have made it through the divorce and by practicing spiritual principles I have no regrets. I am praying to have my resentments toward her removed. I hate lawyers and I have many resentments toward the prick she used.
I am grateful for so many things in my life. Especially for the fellowship of NA and the true friends I have found. My sponsor came to support me at court (not his job, but I was blessed and comforted that he was there), and I have many other recovering addicts that keep checking on me daily.
I continue to grieve my loss of this long term relationship, but I know my Higher Power is ALWAYS there for me. He doesn’t ever shut a door without opening another one. I am still not sure what His plan is for me, but I do know what it isn’t. I will continue to pray for His guidance and I know if I remain open minded more will be revealed.
I love you Rick and am proud to call you a friend. You have touched my life and I hope in turn I have touched yours.
Just for Today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
Your message…
Tim, I have known you for a few years and the one thing I have absolute faith in is your ability to stand tall and make the tough calls when they need to be made. You are not afraid to show your pain and your success and I am proud to know you and love you as well.
I have never been divorced. I have no idea what you are going thru but I am 100% sure it’s not easy. You have really never taken the easy way but you have always taken the RIGHT way.
Please recognize your courage. Honor your convictions. Stand tall knowing that you made the right move. Money is a tool. If a person is a dick poor, just give them money and watch them be more of a dick. So no matter what, you are a really kind and caring guy and in any level you stand, you are still that guy.
Know I am on your side and in your corner. I cannot feel your emotions but if I can wipe your brow, let me know.