Should new comers shut up? Clean time 1235 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict.
Maybe you have heard this and maybe you are just a little tired of it too:
I’m Joe and I’m a filthy junkie and wino.
I have been coming to meetings for 3 weeks and I’m on my 7th step
I love NA. This program is awesome and is the best thing that every happened to me. It’s awesome I’m telling you. So incredible it changed my life, my friends life, my dogs life and my pet rocks life. Awesome awesome awesome. I think I may explode.
When I leave the rehab I know I will go back out and use.
All you need is God. I found Jesus and when that happened my life turned around and if it wasn’t for this program I wouldn’t find Jesus.
I have 12 years clean! (… and this is the first time you have ever seen this person)
Let me tell you how to work this step…
God grant me the courage to change my serenity, the wisdom to do the things I can and the acceptance to know the difference.
Just for today I will try to get a better spectrum on my life
Smoking Pot is not using so I still have my clean time.
… anonmimity or anomomity or anonomousity… or anomity
Does any of this sound familiar?
Now some people who have been around the rooms feel newcomers should sit down and shut up and listen. Others feel that newcomers, being the most important person at any meeting, should talk away.
I personally feel that new comers should share and say anything, no matter how crazy, at any time, to anyone for any reason. At the same time, it takes a lot of patience to listen to that stuff. When I first started coming around I am sure I sounded like an idiot and I can tell you right now, I STILL sound like an idiot.
The problem as I see it is that the newcomers are mixed with the “almost new comers” and those people are dangerous. New comers are usually just scared. Almost new comers are usually a bit pompous. “Been around a few days” addicts are now messed up but in a whole new way. “Dinosaur” addicts are usually very sweet people but you never see them much.
So you have to go from scared to crazy before you get to serene. Got it.
Oh yah… can anyone tell me whats WRONG with the lines new comers use? Grab a line above and tell me what’s wrong. Unless you are a new comer and then “everything is as it should be”
Birthday sex is not required but appreciated. Clean time 3 years, 4 months and 4 days.
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict.
Today is my birthday and if you dear readers will allow me, I would like to share some observations of recent. No they are not profound and you probably will not get much out of them but at times I like to think that I am very wise or profound and because this is my birthday I am going to justify my bad behavior with that.
1) You know why people look happier in pictures then they were at the time of the real event? Because we are told to smile. Something we have to be TOLD to do. I think that’s weird.
2) There are people who live every moment of their life in pain. Every single second. Something that has gone wrong with they nervous system and they are in constant pain at some part of their body. I know. I was just diagnosed with this. Its called CRPS. I didn’t know really how till I had to do it. The answer in case you want to know is that at some point the lower level pain impulses are tolerated as just there and live with it” stuff and the high end spikes is “stop everything you do and react” stuff. The depression comes in as well as anger when it spikes.
3) Do you know that NA has a chatroom? Yup. It’s the NA chat room
4) Want to instantly be the big man on campus in the rooms? Go to the NA.org website and purchase a black keytag and a 25 year medallion. Now of course be smart. If you are 26 years old, try and get a date a little early.
5) Clean time getting you down? Hate to lie? (yah right) Okay so when did you start using? 12? 13? 15? You can say you were clean for those many years. Well it’s not lying. You can say “I was clean for 13 years, then I relapsed”. It’s not only dramatic… action packed with a back story… but the relapse could be when you were addicted to the epidural your mom had with the delivery.
6) Why does AA call their book the “big book” while NA calls it the “basic text”. Someone has an attitude if you ask me.
7) If the traditions are not negotiable then all the rest is because they didn’t say that. With that being said, if you want to liven up a meeting (in your head…) substitute a few words in the “how it works” and it will keep you laughing in your head the whole meeting. Example:
If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make banana bread, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the ingredients that made our recovery tolerable.
1) We admitted that we were powerless over bananas, that our lives became unmanageable.
2) We came to believe that a power greater than prunes could restore us to regularity.
3) We made a decision to turn our recipes and our ovens over to the care of Betty Crocker as we understand her.
… and so on…
8.) Why do we sing “happy birthday to you” in front of a cake that is on fire? Doesn’t seem to really bring back the original event symbolically. Would it be more appropriate to push you through a small window tied to a rope while everyone screams on the top of their lungs? I think it would be closer to the mark.
9) This part needs to be changed.. “The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using”. I think it should read “not stop” using. Think about it.
10) If you think you are going to get great wisdom out of every one with clean time look at their jobs. Now think again. I have seen people follow advice from a greens-keeper like lemmings off a cliff. Don’t give advice, share your story.
11) Want to stop using? Stop. Turn away. Walk away. Don’t hang out with the people who won’t let you do that or makes you feel bad if you did. Or not. Just don’t come crying to me if you simply will not do anything to stop.
12) Sex is NOT something owed to you. Your birthday does not make it a requirement. Unless of course you work in the porn industry and you don’t have the day off. Then just ignore this.
Have a great Labor Day weekend.
The only constant in life is CHANGE!! by Tim (Clean time: 3 yrs, 6 months, 21 days)
A s of Monday my 20 year marriage ended in divorce. It was of my doing. I hate this F#?CKING disease, but I love the addict. My wife, now ex, couldn’t stop using no matter what the consequences. She now has about 75 days clean and I hope she has finally figured out that the only way to stay clean is to put her recovery before EVERYTHING else. I wanted so bad for her to stop, but she didn’t seem to have the desire. I kept thinking that one day she would be arrested with our baby in the car going to score or that my older kids would come home from school only to find her dead from an overdose. Those things would certainly be more traumatic to our kids than a divorce. The thing I want more than anything is for her to stay clean, but only the addict can make that decision, no one can make it for them. After four times in treatment she certainly understands the disease.
I now have the kids and the house and some extreme financial burdens. I know I must continue to work my program and continue to change. I have made it through her continually using, lying about her using, and stealing our money to buy more and I didn’t use. I have made it through the divorce and by practicing spiritual principles I have no regrets. I am praying to have my resentments toward her removed. I hate lawyers and I have many resentments toward the prick she used.
I am grateful for so many things in my life. Especially for the fellowship of NA and the true friends I have found. My sponsor came to support me at court (not his job, but I was blessed and comforted that he was there), and I have many other recovering addicts that keep checking on me daily.
I continue to grieve my loss of this long term relationship, but I know my Higher Power is ALWAYS there for me. He doesn’t ever shut a door without opening another one. I am still not sure what His plan is for me, but I do know what it isn’t. I will continue to pray for His guidance and I know if I remain open minded more will be revealed.
I love you Rick and am proud to call you a friend. You have touched my life and I hope in turn I have touched yours.
Just for Today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
Change… ain’t it a bitch. Clean time 3 years 18 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict
Two friends. Both with relationship problems. Both have wives deep in addiction. Both guys I love with all my heart and both suffering so badly to accept the things they cannot change. I think relationships are the hardest thing to accept because you are forced to accept that another person is going to do what they will do no matter how much manipulation is done.
I once saw this movie “Saving Private Ryan” and in this movie this solider had another pinned to the ground and a knife slowly being pushed into his chest. As the the knife moved closer and closer in the body the one solider pushing the knife in kept whispering “shhhh” to tell the guy to calm down because he is being killed and there is nothing to do but die. Sad but I imagine that’s what it must feel like. Helpless. Painful. No mercy. No letting up. Surrendering to what is happening. Accepting the death that is in process. Horrible.
The part that seems the hardest is not the leaving of the relationship but rather dealing with the contradictions that the relationship brought. During the relationship certain words were said, certain promises made. These were made in an attempt to show loyalty and devotion. Since guys are so passionate in nature and so protective of their hearts, once words are said and feelings felt, they cannot be unspoken and they cannot be unfelt. They become part of who you are in a way define your character. How can you go against this? This contradiction is nerve racking and paralyzing. In some relationships it will cause a person to stay in a bad partnership because just acknowledging the feelings have changed is too painful. Waiting for the other partner to die with the little secrets and truths and not realizing that they are dying faster inside.
When the pain of what is happening both with the other partner and within themselves is greater than the ability to deal with that pain, things will change. But change to what? Walking away from something and undoing the entire infrastructure of the marriage takes time and with each action is like the knife slowly being pushed closer and closer to the heart. Joy cannot be found. Where is hope? Is life all about losing what we gain and what does all this say about me as a person. How can I go on with not being stable? So many questions yet there is a solution.
Life is change. If we allow our Higher Power to raise us up to more than what we think we are, we will realize that our value is not where we were but where we are going. Each experience, each pain, is the stairs we use to reach our Higher Powers love and care. The road to Joy is not one blissful experience after another, but rather the life experiences, both good and bad that strengthen our soul and our real character and allow us to get closer to our Higher Power so we can lay our burden in front of him and ask for mercy. We get this mercy every single time but it requires something. Either you are going to SAY you believe in a loving and caring Higher Power or you are going to LIVE with a loving and caring Higher Power. This requires a change in how we deal with the OTHER relationship. The one between us and our High Power.
Courage is found when you have something stronger than you standing in front of you clearing your path. Joy is found in walking life’s path without fighting. Peace and Serenity is the gift we are offered. We are NOT what we said in the past to anyone. We are NOT what we did in the past. Living Just for Today… as you are, with faith and willingness to allow a Higher Power to show you what Joy he has in store for you once you surrender to your fears and embrace the next step in your life. Joy.
Medallions in my heart. Clean time 3 yrs, 2 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict.
Yesterday I went to in convention and was able to sit down and meet the great deal of people. The most exciting thing was seeing old friends and people who were having such a good time without using. The energy was electric at the clean time countdown. The hugs were warm. The smiles were passionate.
The Rockford convention of NA is one of my favorites conventions that NA has. The reason why I like it is there’s a lot of places for people to sit down and relax. It’s not all about the meetings or the workshops, it’s also about catching up with old friends and making new ones.
One of the greatest benefits I have found in joining this fellowship is that now I have more friends than I ever had in my life. These are not your typical friends. These are addicts and as such are prone to strong emotions. They are also highly passionate and loving. The greatest example that I can give of the experience is if you had a dog and you just came home after a long day. You would know that the second the dog saw you he would jump up and down and thought you were the greatest thing on the face of this earth. No matter what you felt. It’s amazing to think that even though inside of your head; you may feel like you’re worthless that dog shows you simple love and companionship. That’s pretty much what an NA convention is.
Even people that I see in meetings all the time were there and I have to tell you that it’s 10 times more exciting to see them at a convention sharing this the same experience that I am. I’ve also learned something unique at this last convention. People that I thought that ran with other crowds and I felt distant from suddenly I felt very connected to.
The other exciting thing was that although I missed going to several of the seminar they had all of the NA speakers on CD. Actually, I prefer to go to a convention and socialize and not go to the workshops and seminars. I prefer to pick up the CDs and listen to them later. The reason why prefer to do this is actually quite simple. I cannot see the person speaking and I also cannot see the people around me. If I’m listening to the CD. This removes all possible distractions. Imagine sitting in a room on a semi-uncomfortable chair and somebody who is cute is sitting diagonal to you. I guarantee you that I will only hear 2% of what the speaker saying and the other 98% will be the voices in my head thinking about how hot the person is. Sadly, this means that I will miss a lot of messages and a lot of recovery. As an addict. I cannot afford to do this. I must take seriously seriously.
This leads me to my next point. As an addict I have found in my life the ability to bend and weave as needed. I have adapted and taken risks, many of them very unhealthy. I have taken drugs that I absolutely had no clue what they were or what effect it would have on me and yet I took them nonetheless. I went to places that looked dangerous and had a history of violent or criminal activity. I had no problem breaking the rules and rebellion was innate to my personality. To form my recovery into a standard process and one which I am told how to do it from others is very hard for me. An example of this was working my fourth step. I could not sit down and just write it out. I had to use Dragon naturally which is that program that you speak in the program types. Actually I’m using it right now to write this blog post. This is because my mind thinks faster than my body can react. Why should when I go to a seminar act like everyone else?
Because of this I have different ways to learn and I have different ways to interact program of recovery found in NA. While others are sitting down in a room listening to the speaker of which I’m very glad they do, I become restless and uncomfortable. Yet, if I had a CD I could play it back five times and get the message different each time.
One of the things I have learned in my three years journey is that when I try to work somebody else’s program, it doesn’t work for me. But when I work my program the way I wanted to work it’s an entirely different story. I am excited about my recovery. I’m excited about the people in my life. I love my brothers and sisters in NA more than you can possibly imagine. Now that I have three years clean I want more. I won’t live to see 20 years clean . I’m too old. So each time I pick up a medallion or key tag I know I won’t have a very large collection in the long run but just for today I will enjoy the medallions in my heart that is my brothers and sisters in the fellowship of recovery called NA.
