Reconstructing Rick

I’m Rick and I’m an addict.

I went to a NA convention yesterday and heard a speaker who made a lot of sense to me. I want to share his message with others because I am just now realizing what he said. It is a hard lesson to learn and one which I have to incorporate into my life. Truth is, it is just hard to do it.

He spoke abut having the courage to allow change in your life. Mind you, I am giving the message that i heard and in time I hope to make it a message I can share fully from examples that I have done myself.

He posed an interesting question. How can you hold onto something at the same time letting it go? On face value it sounds like a stupid question but in fact it is very profound because I face this problem even today and as I look over my life, it has been riddled with this issue.

He said that the more I cling and wrap my arms around something, because of my self centerness, the harder it is to release it. If I don’t release it, how can I allow something better to come into my life?  The core issue seems to be the fact that I cling and hold onto things that either I am scared to lose or if I lose I would lose my sense of security or love.

He also spoke about the fact that how do I know my Higher Power isn’t the one pulling it from my grasp? Now I am in direct conflict with my Higher Power. My fears put me into a strained relationship with the something that is trying to make things better for me. Having faith in someone in NA and believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery. This is the nature of the 2nd and 3rd step and as much as I like to believe I know and live it, now I realize I do not.

I will get back with you when I can actually tell you how I applied this in my life but for now, that’s all I got.

Oh yah, one more thing… for those of you who read my prior posts about my sister not wanting me to watch her dog while she was out of town because I am an addict. Well she let her friend watch the dog. Five hours after she did that the dog ran under the friends fence and got run over by a car. Dead. No, it was not my car so don’t think that. Weird huh?