I wanna be a dog. Clean time 10 months 20 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict
So I’m off again to LA on Sunday and all I am going to say about it is that I hope that I am good because I really think this trip is going to put my recovery to the test. I am going to be there for 2 weeks. Already thinking of all the ways I can be bad and let me tell you, I can think of a lot. So anyway onto my post.
I went shopping today and passed PetsMart and there was this cute dog that this lady was walking out of the store. This little guy just wanted to meet everyone he saw. I’m telling you he was excited by everyone who passed and was clearly just excited about being around people. Of course, everyone stopped when they saw him and petted him. His tail going 900 miles a minute. I was too far away to say hi to him but he put a big smile on my face just watching him be so excited about life. How kewl is that.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I wanna come back as a dog. What a life. Play with toys, run around like a madman and no one things your high. Everything you see could be food and until it leaves your site it just might be. Hard to be an ugly dog isn’t it? Even the ugly ones are loved.
I guess I am still dealing with my addictions. Sure I turned over to my Higher Power my drug use but now I am learning that turning over just one area of your addiction opens the door to the old drug use coming back into play. Although it seems impossible to me at times, I have to turn every single addictive aspect of my being over to make sure that I leave no door open. So I am going to try right now to list the things I think I am addicted to, good or bad and I will be honest even if the honesty makes me look bad to you guys. I guess I can’t be a dog and just live in this carefree world.
So here is the list:
* Drugs. Specifically chemicals, not herbs. All types are welcome in my body. Shutting that door now.
* Eating. Wow I like to eat. I don’t taste food. I just want it in me fast.
* Smoking. Like a freaking chimney. As a matter of fact I am going to have one now… brb…
* Craigslist. Hooked on looking at all the hook up listings
* Work. I love to work. I love it to the point I could do it all the time and nothing else.
* Gambling. Not that I feel I am that addicted but if I was in Vegas, different story.
* Money. Love it. Love everything about it. Like spending it but I like seeing the numbers in my account.
* My iphone. I think I would go crazy if I couldn’t have one and use it to check my emails.
* Sex but more the hunt of it more than the act. Actually the act bores me.
* DVD’s. I want everyone on this earth in my collection. Will waste good money till I have them all.
* Sex workers. I love whores but also strippers. Again, not so much the sex as the thought.
* Glass and Crystal. Tiffany lamps, if I could afford them would be everywhere in my life.
* Mind games. Not arguments but a healthy sparring of ideas. Get me started and I could go days.
* American Idol. Life on Mars. South Park. Little Brittan USA. Talk to me during my shows and you die.
Okay, so that’s a long list and way too much for me to handle it all. I guess the problem in my thinking is if I give up some of these I will have no personality. See the steps tell me that I give up these and my Higher Power fills the void. But how does my Higher Power fill the void of a boring person? What kind of person will I be. I don’t want to be a fuddy duddy and not have a life but the other side is these things CONSUME me and I obsess over them. I can’t stop them all at once can I? But if I don’t one will get worse while the other gets better.
Oh, I wish I was just a dog. A mindless little happy guy that everyone loves and loves everyone back.
