I have learned so much about recovery yet I have so much more to learn. My grandfather told me that I needed to learn something new everyday. He was so right.

I spent 3 days this week with my sons at my ex-wife’s treatment center for “Family Week”. Being the addict that I am I thought I wouldn’t learn anything from the educational part of the program because I was sure I knew everything about the disease. Well I was wrong. The doctor in charge of the program is an Neurologist and recovering alcoholic with 30 years complete abstinence from all drugs. I knew addiction was a disease, but this was a hard concept for me to grasp in early recovery. It was good to hear the science behind this statement. Something is a disease if it can be genetically past on. He referenced many studies linking addiction to genetics. The genetic deficiency past on form one generation to the next is a variant form of the gene for the dopamine D2 receptor. Hopefully this helps someone understand that we have a disease and not a moral deficiency.

The second day we read a story, maybe it was more of a parable, about an person who is on a bridge with a rope tried around their waist. They asked someone who was on top of the bridge to hold the other end of the rope tightly. Once the rope was being held tightly they jumped off the bridge almost pulling the other person with them. The person holding the rope keeps asking the one who jumped to try to climb up the rope but they refuse. The person holding the rope is struggling to keep them from falling any farther, but they get to the point where they have to make a decision. If they keep holding the rope they will go down with the person who jumped, but if they let go they will feel responsible for the jumpers demise. Either decision they make will have haunt them forever. Eventually they are too tired to hold the rope any longer and decide to let go. The jumper falls into the river below and is taken downstream by the current. Eventually after struggling they make it to the bank of the river and they survive and realize they are strong enough to keep going.

In the story the addict was the jumper and the person holding the rope was a family member. Only by letting go of the rope were both persons able to go on and have a satisfying life.

We must love the suffering addict, but they are responsible for their own recovery. There is nothing we can do to get them to recover. It is a decision they must make for themselves.

The third day we were in a small group with 2 other families. We were all given an assignment to write a letter to our loved one who had still been suffering from active addiction until recently. My boys got to tell their mother the affect that her using had had on them and I got to do the same. It was an emotionally draining experience for us all. I’m hopeful that she will continue to work a program of recovery and that she will be able to be the person her Higher Power intended her to be.

I was reminded that when I am suffering I need to reach out for help. If I don’t ask I will not get what I need. No one can read my mind. This was maybe the most valuble lesson. This reminder came to me from another recovering addict when I was sharing my pain with him. Thanks Rick.

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