2009 predictions a little late – JOIN IN!
S orry I am late with this post because I used to have so much fun with this. Let’s do it now and at the end of this year we will see how true we are. If you wanna predict something, add it as a comment and we will see what happens. I will post the most accurate on my New Years 2009 post. Good luck.
Ricks 2009 Predictions
1) I see a derailment of a train – passenger one not freight. People will someone blame the government for the accident.
2) West Coast has another mega earthquake this year. This one is felt very far away so it’s not localized to California. What makes this one different is there is warning it will happen before it happens.
3) US Mail service will drop to 3-4 days a week.
4) A mathematical calculation made this year will be the break though to figuring out how to travel across vast parts of the universe in days instead of years. There will be talk about how we plan on sending something in space to a distance part of the galaxy in days but we will not be able to confirm it in our lifetime. People will give up hope of space travel.
5) 3D TV will be rolled out as the next generation TV. Amazingly affordable too. This one innovation will open the Hollywood up and technology up to many different new companies. Laptops and computers will be the first to use this new technology and we will see by 2010 Holidays this in stores.
6) People will be able to send electric impulses to other humans with the aid of something they wear on their wrist. The purpose? To power up small devices and store this energy to share. Something about walking power adds juice to the battery. Clothes will add this feature. Funny part… people are doing this to be “green” but it proves to be a fad.
7) Nevada will experience a fire unlike it has ever seen before. Vast areas will be lost and tourism to Las Vegas will be hurt badly for about a month as people are afraid to go there.
8.) Canada will seek the protection of the USA when it falls under attack. This request will come from England. America responds but opens its borders to Canadians to expand its trade under an agreement to help. China will respond to this as an act of aggression and force America to pull back aid.
9) Tilapia consumption will increase because it will be discovered that there is a chemical in this fish that cures a mental illness.
10) Gay rights leaders will have to deal with the issue of a new serial killer who is worse than Gacy. What is worse is the fact he is well known already. The public will decry the crimes until a great straight leader defends gay people to the point to changing laws as the only way to stop this in this in the future.
Bonus prediction….
Right under Americans feet will be found a valuable mineral in such vast quantities and the President enacts a law that only individuals and small companies can mine it, not large companies with foreign support, because of this economy. This strangely causes a “gold rush” of sorts not seen this century as hundreds of thousands of people who are unemployed become self-employed. The taxes alone on the sale to other countries recovers the national debt to a manageable level.
I wanna be a dog. Clean time 10 months 20 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict
So I’m off again to LA on Sunday and all I am going to say about it is that I hope that I am good because I really think this trip is going to put my recovery to the test. I am going to be there for 2 weeks. Already thinking of all the ways I can be bad and let me tell you, I can think of a lot. So anyway onto my post.
I went shopping today and passed PetsMart and there was this cute dog that this lady was walking out of the store. This little guy just wanted to meet everyone he saw. I’m telling you he was excited by everyone who passed and was clearly just excited about being around people. Of course, everyone stopped when they saw him and petted him. His tail going 900 miles a minute. I was too far away to say hi to him but he put a big smile on my face just watching him be so excited about life. How kewl is that.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I wanna come back as a dog. What a life. Play with toys, run around like a madman and no one things your high. Everything you see could be food and until it leaves your site it just might be. Hard to be an ugly dog isn’t it? Even the ugly ones are loved.
I guess I am still dealing with my addictions. Sure I turned over to my Higher Power my drug use but now I am learning that turning over just one area of your addiction opens the door to the old drug use coming back into play. Although it seems impossible to me at times, I have to turn every single addictive aspect of my being over to make sure that I leave no door open. So I am going to try right now to list the things I think I am addicted to, good or bad and I will be honest even if the honesty makes me look bad to you guys. I guess I can’t be a dog and just live in this carefree world.
So here is the list:
* Drugs. Specifically chemicals, not herbs. All types are welcome in my body. Shutting that door now.
* Eating. Wow I like to eat. I don’t taste food. I just want it in me fast.
* Smoking. Like a freaking chimney. As a matter of fact I am going to have one now… brb…
* Craigslist. Hooked on looking at all the hook up listings
* Work. I love to work. I love it to the point I could do it all the time and nothing else.
* Gambling. Not that I feel I am that addicted but if I was in Vegas, different story.
* Money. Love it. Love everything about it. Like spending it but I like seeing the numbers in my account.
* My iphone. I think I would go crazy if I couldn’t have one and use it to check my emails.
* Sex but more the hunt of it more than the act. Actually the act bores me.
* DVD’s. I want everyone on this earth in my collection. Will waste good money till I have them all.
* Sex workers. I love whores but also strippers. Again, not so much the sex as the thought.
* Glass and Crystal. Tiffany lamps, if I could afford them would be everywhere in my life.
* Mind games. Not arguments but a healthy sparring of ideas. Get me started and I could go days.
* American Idol. Life on Mars. South Park. Little Brittan USA. Talk to me during my shows and you die.
Okay, so that’s a long list and way too much for me to handle it all. I guess the problem in my thinking is if I give up some of these I will have no personality. See the steps tell me that I give up these and my Higher Power fills the void. But how does my Higher Power fill the void of a boring person? What kind of person will I be. I don’t want to be a fuddy duddy and not have a life but the other side is these things CONSUME me and I obsess over them. I can’t stop them all at once can I? But if I don’t one will get worse while the other gets better.
Oh, I wish I was just a dog. A mindless little happy guy that everyone loves and loves everyone back.
Hate the feeling of not being able to stop. Clean 313 days
I ’m Rick and I’m an addict.
Boy do I hate the feeling of being an addict and the times when I feel out of control. Had this moment yesterday and I want to talk about it. It reminds me of my drug use and solidifies my belief that I am an addict.
I have been under a lot of stress recently. Dealing with my taxes. My sister and I have been fighting. Job is getting to me. Wanting to move to California move than ever (probably will do it in June). Just a lot of little things that is getting to me.
Last night when I was at home, I was not hungry at all but my mind said I needed to eat something. I tried to resist. When I went to get some gas this truck stop I get gas at has a whole bunch of very fattening things now on display. This is a very nice truck stop and more like a little grocery store. I struggled to avoid buying a butt load of stuff and settled on something small. I was somewhat proud of myself so I thought that I only purchased a little thing.
In my car, on the last mile to home I ate this thing. Every bite tasted bad and every bite was hurting me because I wanted to stop, but I could not. I really mean I could not do it. It tasted bad and I knew that sugar in me was going to make me feel sick but I had to do it. I felt horrible and really upset that I could not find it in my heart to stop.
When I got home, now feeling like I did, I remembered that I had some more garbage in my house that was bad for me. I sat there watching TV but in my head I kept thinking about how much I wanted to eat this stuff. I was full but the thoughts kept going on and on. I eventually got so mad that the thoughts would not go away I got up, got the stuff and ate it. Each bite made me so sad. I didn’t even want to eat this stuff but I couldn’t stop.
All I could think of when I was done was that I didn’t use drugs but in my head, I still allowed my addiction to control me yet again in another aspect of my life. I felt dirty and I felt that maybe I was back at ground zero on my clean time. I didn’t use drugs but I did use something that made me feel totally out of control, was against my wishes to do and hurt me.
I am an addict. This is how it is. It does not need to be about drugs. It could be food, work, sex, relationships, conversations, gambling, and so much more. I feel so weak and humbled by this and although I feel good I have not used drugs, I feel that it just does not take much for me to lose it to that as well. I know I need to use the 12 steps to solve this issue but food is funny. You can just stop taking drugs and detox and still live but you can’t just stop eating and live.
Maybe it’s not about eating as it is about obsessive compulsive issues that pop up in my life. This is why I need NA because I just can’t do this by myself and worse, I have no idea how to stop. If I did, I would be back on my diet and in much better control of my life. I also hate the thought that I will always be like this and will always go through this stuff.
There has got to be an end. Just don’t know how and when.
What’s it’s like for me at 10 months clean today
I ’m Rick and I am an addict.
Today is my 10 month anniversary. Thank you. Never thought I would get this far. Even with 10 months clean I want to share where I am today because I hope to look back at this day and hope that I will improve.
Went to a talent show last night with fellow addicts. The thing I was most amazed is how much courage people have in the world. No matter if I could sing like a bird (can’t carry a note really), I would still not have the courage to go in front of so many people and sing. Not sure where people get their strength from at time to do that. Don’t even know if NA gives you this skill. Just know that right now, I could not do it.
I have been a speaker twice. I also know that I am not ready for that as well. See above.
Been dealing with a problem I have with my sister right now. Trying to take more control of my life. Although I know my sister is coming from a place where she is trying to help, I think the way she is trying is hurting my ability to grow and I know the growth I need to do is difficult. Yet, I know if I do not take steps now I will be back in a situation where the drama will cause me more harm than good. The problem really is the delivery. She cannot seem to talk with me in a calm and understanding manner and she takes the issues she has and makes them mine though the yelling and confrontation.
I used to be a person who would take confrontation and now I simply cannot. It’s not like I have lost my backbone but more that I realize that the more drama in my life will only distract me from learning and growing. She has issues that I cannot handle myself nor should I but the confrontation forces me to react. Because of this I feel that every conversation with her ends up me not opening up on all the details and more importantly she thinks I am lying to her.
I have always had an issue with abusers who want to control my life. The problem is they do it in the name of love and worse they actually help and then hold over you their help as the passport to control. I cannot help her.
So the decision I have to face, and one that I already did in fact, taking back all control of my life from her and acknowledging that she will not stop. If i must distance myself from her, then I must. It is hard to do it in the face that I have used her help financially so much over the course of my addiction. Only in NA did helping me come without a price. This gift is great because I can see the reverse of this in my relationship with her.
So in the end I may have horribly hurt her feelings by being honest. The honest replies to her is not something she wants to hear. I am trying to listen to her comments with an open mind and heart. I just cannot allow to have a relationship that is both abusive and helpful at the same time.
The result of this may mean I may have to move. It also means that I may not be able to seek her help as the issues I still face with my past comes up. I have to be prepared to accept that things may get worse and in the end, I can only hope that by me being honest with her will in the long run help her and I have a more equal relationship as brother and sister and not overseer and cripple.
I may lose my job. I may lose my friends. I may end up homeless. I may lose the few things I have but I will still not use. I will still try to work on my recovery and I will still have faith in my High Power because in the end, even if I am in jail or alone, my Higher Power is with me and will not abandon me after taking me so far.
